If they like gardening, ask them their opinion about flowers in your backyard, or if you both like a shared TV show, bring up your thoughts on the latest episode. I agree to receive email updates and promotions. Your email address will not be published. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.
Subscribe for new content! Leave a Comment Cancel Reply Your email address will not be published. With over a decade of experience, Hyungbum specializes in using an integrated therapeutic approach to treat ADHD, Anger Management, Depression, and other mental health and social work struggles. There are 7 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
In this case, several readers have written to tell us that this article was helpful to them, earning it our reader-approved status. This article has been viewed , times. There can be times when your friend may be sad and you feel like comforting them. But how do you? Consoling an upset friend can be tricky. When you're trying to offer comfort, you may feel like you're constantly putting your foot in your mouth and making things worse.
So, how do you console an upset friend, and actually make them feel better? Just be a good friend. To console an upset friend, the best thing you can do is just listen to what your friend has to say and offer them support if they need it. You can also show them you care with a big hug or an arm around their shoulder. Just avoid telling them how to solve their problems or acting like you know exactly how they feel since it could rub your friend the wrong way.
Also, don't try to minimize their situation by telling them that the situation isn't a big deal or that they'll get over it, which could just upset them more. To learn how to do nice things for your friend so they feel better, scroll down!
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Related Articles. Article Summary. Part 1. Show them some love. Actions speak louder than words, and they're a lot easier to get right. Your friend may be too upset to start talking right away, and these little gestures can go a long way in making your friend feel less alone.
If your friend is trying to wriggle away, then clearly he or she doesn't want you touching them. Be respectful of them and you're doing just fine. Just listen. Make eye contact, nod occasionally, and make very short comments when necessary. Mostly, let your friend express him or herself and get everything off his chest, even if you want to say something. You're not going to "fix" them -- period.
So don't try. This isn't the time to give your opinion or to talk a lot. It's time to let your friend explain everything that has been troubling them so you can get a better sense of their worries. Don't say things like "Oh, I have been through that so many times! Say "I'm here for you" or "I hear you're upset. Take care of the basics -- comfort, chores, errands -- for them. Maybe your friend is shivering in the rain.
Get her inside and give her a blanket. Maybe she's been crying for an hour straight. Get her some tissues and some Advil. Maybe your friend is standing up telling you how upset he is while carrying a heavy backpack. Get him to sit down. If your friend is a little riled up, get him or her some chamomile tea. If your friend stayed up all night worrying, put him in bed.
You get the idea -- be a bit of a nanny. Your friend may be so upset that he or she isn't looking out for his or her health or comfort. That's where you come in. Take it off their already crowded plate. Do not think that your friend will feel better if you open a bottle of wine or bring over a six pack. Alcohol is never the solution if a friend is upset-- it is literally classified as a depressant. Don't try and tell them "it's nothing to worry about" since they clearly think it is.
Your friend can be upset for a variety of reasons. A serious reason: your friend just found out that his grandmother is in the hospital. A not-so-serious reason: your friend has just broken up with her boyfriend of six weeks. How angry would you be if someone tried to say, "suck it up, that's not a real problem? If your friend mopes about a short-term break-up for way too long, then you can deal with it later. But, in the first moments, you should be a friend, not a bully.
Don't offer dumb, useless comments like, "It's not the end of the world," "You'll get over it," or "It's really not that big of a deal. Don't pretend to be a psychiatrist. Unless your friend turns to you and says, "What do you think I should do? It will come off as condescending: like you think your friend's problems can be solved so easily if they're weren't such dunces.
Unless your friend is looking up at you with doe eyes, saying, "I don't know what to do Unless you're a trained psychiatrist or have first-hand experience, you're just as in the dark as them.
You can say simple things like, "You should get some rest," or "Drink some chamomile tea and you'll feel better" just to offer your friend some minor comfort, but don't say things like, "I think you should call Bill right now and sort things out," or "I think you should apply to grad school right away. Don't say that you "get" it. This is another way to quickly annoy your friend. Unless you had once found yourself in an identical situation, you shouldn't say, "I know exactly how you feel Take your ego out of this - it isn't about you; it is about your friend.
Sure, if the friend is upset because of a serious break-up and you happened to go through one of those puppies too, you can talk about it. But don't compare your three-month relationship to your friend's three-year relationship -- admit it is different. Saying, "I can't imagine how you feel" is better than "I know exactly what you're going through But that phrase can be so invalidating of their emotions. But, you should be calm towards them and ask them to explain who, or what, they are angry about!
This is time to just listen and validate their feelings. Fear can set them right into fight or flight mode, so all logic is probably out the window at this point.
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